No, I’m not “trying for a girl” (thoughts on being a boy mama)

I have four boys. When most people hear this or see me with my four handsome little men in tow, they say something to the effect of “So, are you going to try for a girl?!”

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Now, I’m sure everyone means well when they say this. Most of them say this because they have a daughter or have dreamed of having one. They can’t imagine how “crazy” or “loud” my house is. They think I’m missing out, because their picture of family includes girls.

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But what they don’t realize is when they say this, they’re implying that by having only boys, my family is incomplete. That my four boys haven’t made my life richer than I could ever imagine. What we tell boy mamas when we ask if they’re “trying for a girl” or even when we get excited for the mom who “finally got her girl” is that boys are not enough. Your life can’t be complete without a daughter. And let me tell you, that just isn’t true. Are daughters a wonderful and amazing blessing to their families? Of course! But am I missing out on the goodness of motherhood because my family doesn’t have one? Well, I don’t believe that for a second.

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Being a boy mom is different than being a girl mom in many ways, I’m sure. But I’m a mom, no matter the gender of my littles. I’m not a lesser mom because I didn’t “succeed” in birthing a baby girl. I’ve spent countless sleepless nights rocking and singing to my babies. I have wiped tears and butts and noses. I have cried and laughed and loved more than I thought possible. A mama’s job is to love her kids, and I have so much love bursting out of me for these boys it hurts. Each time someone wonders aloud if we are going to “try for a girl” my heart aches for my sons, within earshot, that they might think they aren’t enough. That they were the consolation prize instead of my winning lottery tickets. Why do we squeal with excitement when we find out a mom of two boys is now pregnant with a daughter, but when a mom is pregnant with her third boy, we apologize to her or say “Aw, well, I guess you’ll have to try for another!” or  “Look on the bright side, at least you don’t have to buy any new clothes!”

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If the Lord had given us a daughter (or four), it would have been an enormous blessing. Perhaps some things about our day-to-day life would be different, but we would have loved her with as much affection as we have for our boys. I’m not going to pretend I have never thought about what it would be like to have a little girl, but truthfully, boys are all I know now. And I can’t imagine it any other way. I don’t sew tiny dresses everyday, but who says boy clothes aren’t fun?!

My house is usually loud and my couches are ripped from all the constant jumping and fort building, and on any given day there’s probably pee on my bathroom floor. We spend our days laughing and climbing and reading and playing in dirt. My heart is full from all the snuggles and kisses and I love yous. There’s nothing I would change about my life. Well, except for getting a maid… I’d like to do that.

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If someday the Lord gives us a daughter, we would welcome her with grateful hearts and joyful smiles. But I’m not and have never been “trying for a girl.” My heart and my arms are full, and I couldn’t be happier. I will relish in the excitement of every niece born into my family, every friend who has a beautiful daughter, and I will stockpile my pink fabrics to sew them dresses and jumpers. And someday, my boys will get married and have kids and there will be daughters-in-law and maybe granddaughters, and then, I will happily “get my girl.”

So when you meet a boy mama, please don’t apologize to her for the blessings God has given her. Don’t feel sorry for her lack of pink, tulle, and pigtails. Instead, share in her joy. Laugh at her stories, listen to her worries, and invite her to your daughter’s princess tea party when she needs a little girly in her life. And kindly overlook the torn couch cushions and muddy footprints through her kitchen.

All photos used with permission from Brooke Collier Photography
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20 comments

  1. My SIL has three girls and they constantly get the opposite question. You honestly would not believe some of the questions I have gotten over the years. :-) People have no filter.

    That all being said, my MIL really did want a girl. She has four boys and she actually brought girl clothes to the hospital for the last one because SHE WAS SURE. :-)

  2. I’m a mom of 5 boy’s and 2 girl’s. I had the boy’s first. I received comments like that all the time when I only had the boy’s. Then the girl’s came. The comment’s didn’t stop. Now I got different comment’s. Oh you finally got your girl or you must be busy. It’s seems out of norm if you have more then 2 to 4 kids. These are the children God has blessed us with. It doesn’t matter if they are boys or girls. We love them all. Sometimes when I went shopping with a few of the kids people would ask how many Kids I had and i would reply, I ONLY have 7 kids. The oldest was a few days short of being 14yrs old when the youngest was born. I love all my children.

  3. Great post! People say the silliest things no matter what. We had one of each and when my daughter was born I can’t count the number of times I was told how lucky we we’re done now that we each had our child! My son isn’t less to me than my daughter, and our family plan never balanced on girls or boys :) and yes ignore the couch cushions…..

  4. Lovely article. I completely agree, I never pictured myself as a mother to boys and, here I am, with two boys and definitely no more children planned. I spend my days trying to stop children jumping off chairs onto couches, climbing on tables and, well, just climbing on anything. I don’t use the phrase often because it can sound smug, but I am blessed to have my boys.

  5. oh my goodness, I love this article, I could of written it, only I have four girls! but I get the same thing constantly, you need a boy and on and on, why would I need a boy! nothing against boys, but I have four daughters so what is wrong with that, and often I have been careful so they don’t hear these comments, its nuts, I have been getting it since pregnant with number 3 too, so for a while, I don’t get gender comments and never will! thank you! Sara

  6. I am mother to four sons, all within 4 1/2 years, all planned pregnancies. On the last pregnancy, they thought I might be having twins (thank you God for just one!) and then maybe a girl (thank you God for being kind and giving me another boy). Yes, heard it all before. Love, love LOVE my boys, now men!

  7. Your post has me in tears. You are so right about everything! I had three boys before my daughter and was terribly sick and tired of the comments you mentioned. I actually wished for a 4th boy so I could tell those people “NO! Boys are awesome. I am disgusted by the people who say the things about “finally getting a girl” and don’t know what to say. You have a beautiful family and I love following your blog!

  8. We have one boy and are expecting our second child in May. The sex is going to be a surprise! If I had a dollar for every time someone wishes/predicts/hopes for it to be a girl, I’d have enough money to become a stay at home mom. I would be thrilled with two sons, or one of each, and I do wish everyone would stop “hoping” it’s a girl!

  9. We are a family of six, four boys of course, youngest two the twins. We had only a few comments related to the gender of our kids. Much more we noticed people counting the number of children, even not so discreetly. However I woudn’t imagine now having a daughter, not any more. When the twins were to be delivered, my only thought was for them to be healthy and nothing more. All my wishes are now fulfilled, regardless of any troubles boys can invent or any outside of the family opinions.

    Klemen, father of four boys aged 6 to 13.

  10. Being a mom with 4 boys as well… this blog entry touched my heart. I was reading it and thinking, “she is writing from my head and my heart”. Every word- I agree. Thank you for articulating it so delicately and truthfully. Blessings.

  11. That is a wonderful post! I just love it. I have both a girl and a boy. They are different, but I love both of them just as much. And it would be just the same if I had two girls or two boys. They are wonderful and I enjoy every minute with them.

  12. Thank you for such beautiful words! I have 3 boys of my own and hear all of these things often. I wish our culture were different on this point and I just pray in the moments that I’m faced with this that the Lord will give me wisdom to respond kindly and in a way that honors my boys. They’re sweet and I love them, no but required.

  13. We too are parents of four (so far!) WONDERFUL boys! I can’t imagine my life without them. Would I enjoy a girl? I’m sure I would, but right now my family is perfect just as God made it. Excellent article. Thank you for sharing it!

  14. Love this! I’m a boy mom too, the first through adoption and the second the old fashioned way. Although I would love for our family to include a girl too, I would be a fool to not recognize how incredibly blessed we are! And I for one absolutely love the mud, wrestling, (sometimes mud wrestling), and crazy antics that come with boys. =)

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